First time
by show-addicted
Summary: There was a first time to everything they did. Their first times were so memorable... RufusxKadaj


The first time they saw each other was a disaster, to say the least. It's so not the best way to make an aquaintance by threatening each other with painful deaths and unnamed tortures. Yet, anything else was probably not possible in their case. They were, after all, enemies and nothing could change that. Even themselves. Especially themselves.

So, when Rufus ShinRa first met Kadaj, the youngest _shinentai, _they didn't get along too well. Or rather - they hated each other on the spot and both decided to do their best in throwing empty threats at the opponent. Empty - because Kadaj, however much he wanted to just kill the _Shachou_ in the most painful way he knew, needed the man to find out the whereabouts of his space bitch of a mother; and Rufus, even though the _shinentai_ was getting on his nerves like nobody else, couldn't do anything because the kid was too _damn_ strong.

The first time they talked, _really_ talked, was a beginning of a kind. Rufus found it particularly strange that Kadaj could go a long time not mentioning his so-called "Mother" even once. They'd only known each other for a few days at most, at that point, and yet the _Shachou_ already began to notice small things in the mental _shinentai_ that weren't right for a psycho. That made him normal.

Like the subtle and gentle smile Kadaj would show when he liked something Rufus said. Or the way he almost shuddered at the mention of Sephiroth. Or the way he just seemed to crave closeness; physical closeness and some kind of mental warm. Funny how of all people, it was _Rufus ShinRa_ that noticed this and was willing to provide all that to the boy. Funny or, rather, ironic.

The first time they kissed was, in fact, an accident. Rufus had absolutely _not _planned this, and yet, when the young _shinentai _stumbled and fell ungracefully into his lap, their lips touching for the briefest of moments, the man didn't protest. Not that there was anything to protest about. It was a simple accident. A one-time occurence that would never present itself again.

Only, it was _not_. Because the _shinentai_ proved to be the most addictive drug in the world. And his need for closeness only added to that. The first kiss was a beginning for a kind of relationship that couldn't really be called one. Since then, it was not only heated conversations that the two shared. More than often Kadaj would climb on the _Shachou_'s lap and their lips would touch and the world would stop spinning just for a while. Nightmares would go away, geostigma would die down, Mother's voice would go unheard, just for a while.

The first time they fucked was not special. Kadaj was inexperienced, a total virgin, no matter how provocative, even seductive he may had sounded. It was an act, Rufus noticed that before; an act to shut himself in a tight shell of illusions and never show his true self. But the shell was not enough to shut Rufus ShinRa off.

It hurt them both, a bit; it was awkward and maybe even a little irritating to the _Shachou_, because Kadaj didn't know what to do and how to do it, and he cried like a girl, not giving himself - nor his partner - a chance to enjoy it. And yet, when it was over, both felt satisfied and complete, as if this was what they needed from the start. This sex that hurt more than it was worth, and didn't make them feel good at all. Rufus ShinRa didn't understand it at all, but in reality, he didn't want to. Nothing was to change in their relationship that was not really a relationship at all. Even if they did fuck. Often. And every time, it was better and more and complete and so, absolutely _addictive_.

The first time they fought was over something stupid. Like a couple, which they weren't and would never be. But the fight destroyed them, in a way. Made them want to hurt the other again. Brought them back to the starting point with no time left to follow the path once built. Kadaj listened to Mother again, so certain that she would not betray him and so scared of her at the same time. Because he could foretell his own death in the Reunion that he _craved with all his heart_. Or did he, really...

The first time Rufus ShinRa realised how much he'd _loved_ Kadaj, it was already too late.


End file.
